Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Piffed about the Polar Bear

So, I'm sure everyone heard that there was a polar bear wandering around these parts Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Well, it was caught. And I have to tell you, I'm glad.

I've heard many complaints about that "poor bear" and to tell you the truth, its fine and dandy to be pissing and moaning about a polar bear that's not walking around your back yard.

I've seen Noah Wylie's commercial to, "please save the poor polar bear..." but if you read the reson the bears were put on the "threatened list" you'd see that it was green house gasses and global "climate change," not Eskimo's hunting the bear when it get's too close to their kids playground. I'm sure Noah Wylie's extremely excessively large house for just two children emit's a carbon footprint larger than the entire town of Noatak does.

I can't take the endless actors and actresses soothing us in their soft voices (with Sarah McClachlan's stupid song behind them) on every channel possible to "just stop killing those POOR, INNOCENT polar bears..."

I'd bet that if a polar bear was in Noah Wylie's backyard, like it was in Noatak, that he'd have spent millions of dollars to have the national guard come in, protect his children, and family, and shot that bear, maybe with a dart gun, but shot it nonetheless. It is so easy to complain when you live in California, the land of the carbon emmissions, the land of the fake titties, and the land of the wineries (THANK YOU FOR THAT!). When you come up here Noah Wylie, and Sarah McClachlan and live among the "natives..." spend what we spend to heat our homes, and feed our families, then you can complain about what we do with unwanted strangers in our backyard.

HEY, maybe we should have called Noah's publicist and manager and asked HIM to spend the millions of dollars (or thousands at least, more than any of us Eskimo's have to spend) to gently put the bear to sleep, and airlift it out of this region and back up to the Arctic ice pack, because you know, the poor innocent polar bear couldn't have helped himself.

Well, just so you know, it was shot...and I'm happy about it. I give props and a high-five to the man who did it, and ask him in my nicest, most soothing, Sarah McLachlan voice (with the song, "Angel" in the background, no less) to please, PLEASE SAVE THE POLAR BEAR skin, so I can get a piece on my parky and make myself a ruff. Oh, and if possible, I'd like a little of the fat too, its great for other things.

Goodbye polar bear, good luck to the Hunters who go out to PROTECT us and our families...and if another bear comes-a-wandering, I'll be sure to be out there to get some great photo's of it and be the first to shoot at it.

I'll leave you with a word from Noah Wylie, "if you won't save the polar bears, who will?"
NOT me, NOT my family, and certainly NOT Noah Wylie.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well put. Why not send an email to Noah?

Anonymous said...

Everyone has an opinion and your is not the last for sure.

Finnskimo, its more than just a name... said...

I sent an email to the WWF to see what their suggestion was when Polar Bears get too close to a village. What could they do for us when this happens again?!

This bear was killed less than one mile away. I'm in no way trying to save the polar bear, but uncessessary killing of any animal is obnoxious and wrong. Anyway, I haven't gotten a response!