Seriously, how much is it to ask for just a week of NOTHING?!
One week. One week of no worries, one week of no anger, one week of no disappointment. One week.
I TRY real hard to stay positive with everything that happens here. I mean, seriously, I should get a medal or something for still smiling after all the shit I've been through. See, its even got me cussing on my blog. (Sorry.)
I mean, I have my health, (sort of), my kids are OK, (sort of), I have a house (sort of), a stable job (sort of), and a vehicle (sort of). The only 100% for sure, not gonna change, perfect situation in my life right now, is my marriage. Luckily, my marriage is freakin stable, or I might lose it. Its extremely hard to stay positive when it seems like everything is falling apart around you. Seriously, you should try it sometime, before telling me to "stay positive," "keep your head up," "don't give up..." Of course I'm not giving up. And sometimes, I just need to let it OUT. So, since this is my personal blog...I'm letting it out.
Lets just go back within the past four months. FOUR MONTHS of adversity. Four months of crap. October was horrendous. The beginning of a lifelong disease that affects me EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Then I lose out on FOURTEEN THOUSAND dollars of pay, because of this disease. Seriously, I didn't work and lost out on fourteen grand. Fourteen grand that was supposed to go toward stove oil, mortgage, insurance, and plane payments. Thank God for Alaska Airlines credit cards, Mother in Law's and Bake Sales. Say it with me, fourteen thousand.
Then my son is ATTACKED by some a$$hole who thinks they're stealing from a snowmachine 100 yards away from them. Then that jerk-off gets away with damn near everything in the book. And my child questions the judicial system, the police force, etc. Thirteen year old boys shouldn't have to live their lives questioning the judicial system. They should be going through adolescence without worrying if they're going to get jumped and then get blamed for minding their own business. As a matter of fact, the lint licker who attacked them is having a grand old time on his vacation in Hawaii. While my son is afraid and his friend is in crutches because he was hurt so bad, he was medevaced to Anchorage and had surgery for two broken bones. Hmm, Hawaii / broken bones... Hawaii / broken bones. Yeah.
THEN, my other son (step-son) is admitted to the hospital because he has fluid around his brain, and 3 successive Cat scans later, he has BRAIN surgery, and a shunt put in. She-who-shall-remain-unnamed swears that the 10 year old was born with the "disease" that is just now coming out. No comment.
And now...we get a knock on the door today, after my morning of relaxing. (spoke too soon I guess) There is a LAKE behind our garage/shop. A lake. And that lake is coming toward, or FROM our house. Now the weather has been frigid cold, in the minus 30's for a few weeks, and it wouldn't surprise anyone that pipes freeze and burst. But, we can't figure out where its coming from. Our house? Neighbor's? The easement? Whatever the case may be, there's a freakin lake behind our shop, and its going to screw up the ground on which my ENTIRE HOUSE SITS. Cha Ching, there's another ten thousand dollar fix.
Other things have happened, but I only wanted to talk about the funny things. Or those things that could be construed as funny. Shoot, that lake is big enough that my dog is LOVING it. I'm just trying to stay above water. Barely. BUT.....
Optimism is the ability to turn difficulties into opportunities. Though I don't know what "opportunities" we'll have if we find out that the LAKE behind our garage is our fault, but I guess we'll find out. Too bad we didn't have ducks still, cause I'd let them go swimming right now. At least my dog is enjoying it, its his watering hole of choice right now. (Don't worry dog lovers, we checked it, sort of... and its good. He ain't dead yet.)
I know it would be so much easier to succumb to those negative forces and give up then to snow blow through it and punch that adversity in the nuts. But, seriously...Gotta stay happy about something. I had a great cup of coffee this morning. My son made me "Russian Tea" mix, and I had a cup of that too right before I started bawling. (I should cry more often, because seriously, I started crying, and EVERYONE jumped. "What can we do?!" "Mom, do you want a cup of tea?" etc... )
Optimism isn't a statement, or two statements...its a way of life. One that I hope I'm living, and more so, I hope I'm teaching my kids to live it. Life's not fair. Obviously, just take a look at ANY year of my life. ANY ONE. And you'll see that it really isn't. But, like people have told me, "thanks for being positive." Its hard, VERY hard to do that when certain things happen. Especially in a village known for many bad, bad things. Its hard, but someone's gotta do it.
I think people tend to immerse themselves in the problems. Woe is me. Infinite victim. Forget that there are many, many people (friends and family) who make a support system that will help you. You just have to ask sometimes.
Back in October, when my hands and feet (yes, both) looked like this:
I HAD to maintain a sense of humor. Had to. Without that sense of humor I would have given up long ago. Halloween had previously been a HORRIBLE holiday for me. Because of things that had happened on previous Halloween's. BUT, this year, I was wheeled around by my friend and scared the crap out of all the kids who came near. And you know what, while those kids were crying from looking at my hands and listening to my hoarse voice (that I made that way)...I laughed. I laughed so hard I almost peed. Because, what else can you do?!
I guess you could say...my