I've been praying a lot. Probably because my kids are gone and I want to enjoy the quiet, but maybe I wasn't cut out to have no kids in the house. And because they're gone, I tend to reflect on life a lot more than when I'm busy and rush-rush and tired and don't have time to really think about things. Time just slips by.
Random fishing pictures taken on Sunday night when we went rod and reel fishing down to the beach.
Yesterday I realized that my son was on his first high-school trip. I broke down and cried. If he was here and I was reminding (yelling) him to empty the dishwasher and take out the trash, I wouldn't have broken down and cried. Even though I look directly into his eyes when I talk to him and I have to buy him size 28x32 jeans, it still doesn't register that my baby is in high school. Or taller than me. Or growing up. Or thirteen.
Cause I just want him to stay my baby forever.
And the twins are starting middle school. In Palmer. Which is away from us. Away from all the outdoor activities, and family things we do together in the fall/winter. They've never caught a shii-fish through the ice. They've never shot a caribou and cut it up to enjoy in some spaghetti. They've never picked blueberries until their fingers were so stained that seven days in a sauna won't get rid of it. But we stay hopeful.
Kaisa is starting 2nd grade. Which I guess, from my understanding, will be a 2nd/3rd grade split class, because of the shortage of another 2nd grade teacher this year, they're moving eight or nine 2nd graders, "who are at the higher end of learning and can focus and work on their own." Which means she'll be in a 2/3 class that's being taught average 3rd grade work. And she just turned seven two months ago.
(He was bringing his momma fish on a "plate"!)
I've been praying that time will SLOW DOWN. And maybe this is my slow-down phase. The other day I was happy with myself because I actually said "No" to someone who asked me to volunteer for something. "I'm sorry, I don't have time," was what I actually said. And it's true. The only kid who still fits into my lap barely fits anymore. And no one else even comes close! I might be able to hold their head up, or put my arm around their shoulders while watching a movie.
I've been praying for patience too. But the other day I realized that praying for patience is not going to give me patience. Understanding that God is giving me opportunities to BE patient is what needs to happen. I don't want opportunities. I want patience! (ha...)
Anyway. I really shouldn't be worrying anyway, because my thirteen year old left on the morning jet Monday. He rushed to the line and turned around, "bye mom!" (He's not one to show excitement, so it was the Blah-est "BYE" ever!) I said, "Bye son," and leaned in to kiss him. And in front of the entire girls basketball team, he smiled and leaned down to give me a kiss on the lips while some girls "whoot-whewed" and teased. He simply turned around, gave them a dirty look and said, "I love you mom!"
And that's all I need.