Saturday, January 30, 2010

Kiviter Kiviter, number one...

(Beware: There is a lot of complaining going on here. Just warning you. Don't get all freaky on me now, just let me complain a bit ah?!)

Seriously, how much is it to ask for just a week of NOTHING?!

One week. One week of no worries, one week of no anger, one week of no disappointment. One week.

I TRY real hard to stay positive with everything that happens here. I mean, seriously, I should get a medal or something for still smiling after all the shit I've been through. See, its even got me cussing on my blog. (Sorry.)

I mean, I have my health, (sort of), my kids are OK, (sort of), I have a house (sort of), a stable job (sort of), and a vehicle (sort of). The only 100% for sure, not gonna change, perfect situation in my life right now, is my marriage. Luckily, my marriage is freakin stable, or I might lose it. Its extremely hard to stay positive when it seems like everything is falling apart around you. Seriously, you should try it sometime, before telling me to "stay positive," "keep your head up," "don't give up..." Of course I'm not giving up. And sometimes, I just need to let it OUT. So, since this is my personal blog...I'm letting it out.



Lets just go back within the past four months. FOUR MONTHS of adversity. Four months of crap. October was horrendous. The beginning of a lifelong disease that affects me EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Then I lose out on FOURTEEN THOUSAND dollars of pay, because of this disease. Seriously, I didn't work and lost out on fourteen grand. Fourteen grand that was supposed to go toward stove oil, mortgage, insurance, and plane payments. Thank God for Alaska Airlines credit cards, Mother in Law's and Bake Sales. Say it with me, fourteen thousand.

Then my son is ATTACKED by some a$$hole who thinks they're stealing from a snowmachine 100 yards away from them. Then that jerk-off gets away with damn near everything in the book. And my child questions the judicial system, the police force, etc. Thirteen year old boys shouldn't have to live their lives questioning the judicial system. They should be going through adolescence without worrying if they're going to get jumped and then get blamed for minding their own business. As a matter of fact, the lint licker who attacked them is having a grand old time on his vacation in Hawaii. While my son is afraid and his friend is in crutches because he was hurt so bad, he was medevaced to Anchorage and had surgery for two broken bones. Hmm, Hawaii / broken bones... Hawaii / broken bones. Yeah.



THEN, my other son (step-son) is admitted to the hospital because he has fluid around his brain, and 3 successive Cat scans later, he has BRAIN surgery, and a shunt put in. She-who-shall-remain-unnamed swears that the 10 year old was born with the "disease" that is just now coming out. No comment.

And now...we get a knock on the door today, after my morning of relaxing. (spoke too soon I guess) There is a LAKE behind our garage/shop. A lake. And that lake is coming toward, or FROM our house. Now the weather has been frigid cold, in the minus 30's for a few weeks, and it wouldn't surprise anyone that pipes freeze and burst. But, we can't figure out where its coming from. Our house? Neighbor's? The easement? Whatever the case may be, there's a freakin lake behind our shop, and its going to screw up the ground on which my ENTIRE HOUSE SITS. Cha Ching, there's another ten thousand dollar fix.

Other things have happened, but I only wanted to talk about the funny things. Or those things that could be construed as funny. Shoot, that lake is big enough that my dog is LOVING it. I'm just trying to stay above water. Barely. BUT.....

Optimism is the ability to turn difficulties into opportunities. Though I don't know what "opportunities" we'll have if we find out that the LAKE behind our garage is our fault, but I guess we'll find out. Too bad we didn't have ducks still, cause I'd let them go swimming right now. At least my dog is enjoying it, its his watering hole of choice right now. (Don't worry dog lovers, we checked it, sort of... and its good. He ain't dead yet.)

I know it would be so much easier to succumb to those negative forces and give up then to snow blow through it and punch that adversity in the nuts. But, seriously...Gotta stay happy about something. I had a great cup of coffee this morning. My son made me "Russian Tea" mix, and I had a cup of that too right before I started bawling. (I should cry more often, because seriously, I started crying, and EVERYONE jumped. "What can we do?!" "Mom, do you want a cup of tea?" etc... )



Optimism isn't a statement, or two statements...its a way of life. One that I hope I'm living, and more so, I hope I'm teaching my kids to live it. Life's not fair. Obviously, just take a look at ANY year of my life. ANY ONE. And you'll see that it really isn't. But, like people have told me, "thanks for being positive." Its hard, VERY hard to do that when certain things happen. Especially in a village known for many bad, bad things. Its hard, but someone's gotta do it.

I think people tend to immerse themselves in the problems. Woe is me. Infinite victim. Forget that there are many, many people (friends and family) who make a support system that will help you. You just have to ask sometimes.

Back in October, when my hands and feet (yes, both) looked like this:





I HAD to maintain a sense of humor. Had to. Without that sense of humor I would have given up long ago. Halloween had previously been a HORRIBLE holiday for me. Because of things that had happened on previous Halloween's. BUT, this year, I was wheeled around by my friend and scared the crap out of all the kids who came near. And you know what, while those kids were crying from looking at my hands and listening to my hoarse voice (that I made that way)...I laughed. I laughed so hard I almost peed. Because, what else can you do?!

Raaaawwrrr!!!



I guess you could say...my wine glass is half FULL! :)

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not to be rude. But what bis it?

Grace said...

Um. I'm not sure what to say. You've had a very, very rough four months. You didn't deserve any of the things that happened to you. But, the only two options that you have are to keep fighting or to die. You don't strike me as the dying kind. :) You also have really terrific friends. I wish my friends held bake sales for me. :)

Rocksee said...

I'm not gonna tell you to stay positive or that I am praying for you and your family.. cause I already know you will be positive and I know you will fight through whatever comes. BUT I am going to tell you that you are a kick ass (opps! I cussed) chick and just from reading your blog I have a role model on how to be a tough alaskan chick. Your an inspiration to people. I don't know if you actually realize that. And theres alot of people out in this world who stop by this blog, just by chance who really want your family to suceed... and we all know that you will.

<---- this North Pole girl thinks you are one tough chick.

Keep on keepin on!

gpc said...

It's the ebb and flow of life; things get terrible, things improve, on and on. I think we don't always have to stay positive, it is enough to not become negative, if that makes any sense. I have spent many years of my life treading water, conserving psychic energy while I waited for things to get better. Homelessness, crime, assaults on a child, life and death illness in my family. Fortunately, I am blessed with a dull memory for bad things, so the good things are always welcome. I hope your good things happen again soon.

Anonymous said...

Chin up, keep going, though we are all entitled to a good cry once in awhile. I believe justice is meted out though it might not always be by the justice system. I think you're a great mom from what you post and if you have a good marriage to boot, you're teaching your children well. What they see is what they learn more than what we ever tell them.

Enjoy the tea!

Finnskimo said...

Anon, I'm assuming that by "bis" you meant, "is."

It was an allergic reaction to an antibiotic. 17 hospital visits later, a doctor in Anchorage figured it out by looking at me... (and a couple of punch biopsies.)

So, I just have scars now. And little blisters every day that come and heal, and come and heal. And if I walk all day, I wake up the next day unable to. And I can't sew for more than about an hour, cause my fingers lose feeling. But other than that...I'm still alive! :) Yay.

Thanks everyone else. I'm still positive. No worries. It was a lesson to people who are always victimizing themselves. Look at me, I'm still smiling, most of the time. :)

Anonymous said...

Kiviter, kiviter, number one...you're so Sisualik!

You know what I think, Katak? I think Jesus is chasing hard after you. Pursuing you. There's a ton of chaos in your life. I say be real, authentic, stop, let Him catch up to you, surrender your past, your present, and give Him your future. Jesus said, "If you try to save your life, you'll lose it. But if you lose your life for Him, you'll gain it." KIVIT! JESUS WANTS YOU TO KIVIT. Kiving is a good thing. He'll take the wheel from there. (check out Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel" lyrics.) Get a good cup of coffee, and meditate on that. We love you, Katak!

Finnskimo said...

I seriously hope you're not saying that there is chaos in my life because I haven't "given up my life" to Jesus... There was chaos when I was born, and every year for the next 32, and I assume that there will be chaos for the next 65. But I'll still be here, praying, and laughing and Kiviting. For real. :) HAHa.

Amanda said...

Long time reader, first time noter. I just wanted to say that I just adore your blog and have been so sorry to read about all the things that have happened to you this year. I'd be in the looney bin by now! You're a much tougher woman than I am.

God bless. Know that you have people all over the place thinking of you and cheering youon.

Isiik said...

I think you are awesome, whether or not that helps.

Anonymous said...

Do you believe in karma?

Maybe this is what happens when you torture animals... like rats.

Finnskimo said...

HAHAHAhaha... Oh my gosh, do you have nothing else to do then dwell on the fact that EVERYONE who grew up in this region killed LEMMINGS. (not rats, we don't have those here dummy.Our poor defenseless rat # 625 is still probably hankering for some psych students to teach it something.) You're welcome to come up here to check us out. I mean, if you don't mind taking a ride to our camp. Come on...it'll be FUN. You can save all the mice in the region! Better yet, maybe you should start up a fund, go ahead and put my name on it, and I'll collect the money. We can call it... SAVE-THE-RATS!

I'm Christian, I don't believe in Karma...that's Islamic crazy-talk.

Finnskimo said...

Or Buddhist?! I don't know.

Anonymous said...

Vole murderer.

Finnskimo said...

Guilty as charged. Please contact my mouse lawyer for further inquiries.

Anonymous said...

OMG some people, that so funny .... who really cares so much about mice, rats or whatever? lol...way to go Katuk, we grew up hunting and killing them at camp... they were so convenient for lazy afternoon hunt ! when we didnt want to pack up and leave we would jsut hunt the mice in and around our camp..its just diffrent to hear someone like them so much..the next one I kill should me maild to you anon..lol.. just to piss you off !! LMAO

Anonymous said...

Burn your wretched, heartless Sisualik souls doggonnit. Poor innocent voles and lemmings.

Angeline Reed said...

Wowwwww. Maybe someone(the anonymoous who doesnt like to kill mice/lemmings) who doesnt like Maija's blogs shouldnt READ them, your only making yourself mad by reading it.

Anonymous said...

Anon: you have to much time on your hands to give a shit for mice

Anonymous said...

I like to read your blog, even though I don't always agree with things you say in it. It makes me miss Kotzebue.
But I have to say, I'm dismayed to see you make negative comments about other people's religions. That's just shameful and I don't think it's very "Christian", but since I'm not one, it must just be crazy-talk.

Finnskimo said...

Yup, my bad. Shouldn'ta said crazy talk. It's ANON crazy talk I guess. Sorry... :)