My family and I have had a horrible week. That was as "to the point" as I could make it. We have faced seemingly horrendous circumstances all snowballing to eventually create this large, cold, lump lodged somewhere in the back of our throats, in our minds and in our hearts.
Dean's dad passed away Saturday, after a lengthy fight with cancer. I will say fight, because fight he did. Absolutely nothing we have endured in the past few days can compare to the overwhelming feeling of both grief and thankfulness that either of us feel right now. Grief over his passing, the fact that his namesake, my husband's son will not learn to fly from him, he will not learn to fish with him and he will not learn to hunt with him, as Dean did. That's a lot of responsibility for a man...to do this with your son, but without your father. Max has an important name. And Thankfullness that Papa Max is no longer suffering. He is no longer in pain, and he is Home. There was a time on earth that Max was afraid that the Holy Father would not allow him to take his pocketknife to Heaven. I suppose he is up there, tinkering with his pocketknife, cleaning his fingernails or something, watching down on us all. And for that we are thankful.
Kaisa with Gramma and Papa
My grandfather once said to me, "God allows people to give themselves up, just like the animals do when we hunt, to bring a family closer." Does our family need to be closer? I am filled with questions. I am what would be called a "new Christian" as in, I Qaitched, but not until recently...mother's day, 2003. Prior to that, I attended church for Christmas Eve, Easter, weddings and funerals. I still question the will of God sometimes, but its getting easier to understand that He doesn't give you anything you can't handle. I question that too sometimes. But...then again, I'm only human.
I guess I'll end this post with a prayer for others who have endured, who are suffering and who have passed, those who take care of them, thier children, neighbors, spouses, parents, and siblings. Faith in God gives every person hope.
I'm not the best person to lead in prayer, so I guess I'll start with a bible scripture in Ecclesiastes 3:1,4, which says “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” This is Papa Max's time to dance.
Dear God...I ask with all my heart that those who are enduring pain be healed. But, if their healing is not in Your great plan, I trust You to be with them through it all. I trust You to give them peace, to let them live with hope, to relieve any pain, and to let them know Your presence. I trust You to bring their loved ones close to during this illness, that everyone support each other, and that Your great hands might support us all. I ask that You be with the caretakers, their children, parents, siblings and friends, that You give them strength to carry on. Strength to endure. Strength to keep taking care of them. I pray that from now on, whether sick or well, I will live each day as if it were eternal, and trust my eternity to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Papa and Gramma with all the kids at the State Fair...