Hold on to your hat tricks people, you’re in for a big surprise!
So, It’s about 5:00 this afternoon when hear the familiar “bloop bloop” sound of an email coming through my computer. (Think the AOL’s “You’ve got mail!”) So, of course, I just nonchalantly click on the link at the bottom right of my computer.
I get a letter from some dude trying to sell me the “Jimmy Hat Trick” which needless to say, has nothing to do with hats! As far as I know, a hat trick is something good hockey players strive for during a game…I’m exciting, thinking I can get into a UAA game for free.
It goes a little something like this.
Dear Maija L.,
Some things are tough to say in person. Like, your junk is boring. I mean it physically excites me, but its, just so, uhm, beige. (My Junk? Beige? WTF?)
Of course, you must still wear the jimmy (Sorry, you’re not daddy material) but we should totally loosen things up with the “French Letter.” The new penile accessories come in red and yellow, studded or scented. Not to mention, these condoms are completely vegan. Well, that pretty much wraps things up.
Did I just read “penile?!” Vegan? What are we supposed to eat them?! Seriously?!
I feel so taken advantage of. Not to mention embarrassed! I mean, I’m a married woman! And who is this “Sally” telling me my junk is beige???? HAHAH.
My only sane thought is that this MUST be some spam junk (no pun intended) mail. My next thought is that I just spread it all over the network! Ugh. I had to call the IT guy to tell him I accidentally opened the email…as if I wasn’t embarrassed enough.
If you need me, I’ll be at home, nursing my wounded ego…