Holy cow, did I just realize that I have a busy, hectic and often flighty, life?! I think I did.
Maybe it was last night when I took my daughter to work with me after making a dinner of "moose Salisbury steaks," mashed potatoes (from a BOX, gasp!), and corn, straight from a can. Someone called, and I jumped.
I have no anger or issues with why I came in, and was honored to be asked to help. But, Dean was out of town, and Koy and Kaisa were up until after 12:30 am, because I took her here with me, finished what I needed to do, and left Koy home alone with the dog. Normally, that's not a problem, but we had someone in the B&B and being the worrier that I am, I told him to stay awake until I returned.
So, this morning I called the school, in my most motherly voice and told them that they'd be late...we were busy. "We?" I was busy. It was my fault that my children didn't get the sleep they should have. Well, they did get the sleep, cause I let them sleep in. That is unheard of in my house.
Because I was helping someone. (and like I said before, I was honored to do it.)
Today, during my hourlong facebook crack update checking time, someone posted, "BUSY BODY" on my page. Seriously...If you watched me from the outside, I ran around this morning like a crazy person. At least I know how to delegate right?! HERE FOLD THESE! Here, DO THIS. Here, hurry up, the flight is leaving!!!
Then I realized. I am a busy body. Like a cockroach running away from the Raid, I'm always on the move!
I'm NOT too busy to work out, or pick berries, or take care of meat, or give my daughter a bath, or read to the kids, or write my cookbook, or work 10-12 hours a day.
But I am too busy to clean up! Maybe with an organized home, I'd feel a little LESS busy. A little less hectic and fast paced. Is it sad that I'd rather read an ENTIRE BOOK from start to finish than simply empty the dishwasher? Don't get me wrong. I love to bake and cook and will clean up AS I'M doing it...but to come home to a messy kitchen is my nightmare. Ugh. Someone give me some Valium before I pitch a hissyfit that would make Mommy Dearest proud.
I used to watch my mom seamlessly make an entire dinner, from scratch, using whatever was in the freezer and cupboard in thirty minutes or less...and everything would be done at the EXACT same time. I mean, to the SECOND. Once I tried to make rice for her and she freaked, because I didn't tell her what time it had started boiling...so I messed her up.
I hadn't realized that my dad was diabetic and that he took certain medications, and was supposed to eat 30 minutes after taking the pills, to keep away from shots and other such stuff. And it was EXACTLY 30 minutes from the time he took the pill that his plate was full of hot, fresh, food. Four burners and the oven were used.
Not only that...but when she did laundry, it was all folded and put away within the allotted time frame of a normal-mom-status.
I'll be lucky if my meat is still hot when the pasta is done cooking! But its done and it's dammed good too. Laundry. Psh, don't get me started. I have clothes that are not folded and are probably TOO small for my kids because they've been not folded for that long. Sad. Just sad. (Anyone need some size 6 girls jeans and boys size 16, only been washed once...never folded!?)
But you know what? I don't mind. I don't mind keeping my brain busy and my legs moving and my fingers typing and my kids occupied. I like watching cross country/wrestling/basketball/gymnastics/art club/volleyball/and the sort every single weekend. I like making a "main dish" for the coaches room. (Although, since Koy is the ONLY boy in our entire family...my mom usually makes things for him too...cause that's her boy!) I LOVE having dinner parties.
Days are simple...for me anyway, my kids go to school, eat there (my mom is the head cook and therefore makes SURE they eat a WELL BALANCED meal. Shame on me when I give them a chewey granola bar and some orange juice!), attend school, go to wrestling practice, get off at 5 (Kaisa) and 5:30 (Koy), go home, do chores, homework, eat dinner and by then its time for bed. On Tuesday's is Family Movie Night, on Thursday's is Family game night. On Friday's we eat leftovers, and on Sunday's we eat a HUGE breakfast and go to church. It's a semi-routine.
It works for me. And it warms the soul when your children do the same. Last night at 12:20 am, when I was finishing off the printing of my project, Kaisa says, "Momma...you're a good woman to help these people, you know that...and someday, when you're really old, like forty or something, I'll do it for you, and we can be a team."
Sigh...it would warm my soul if my children helped people as much as I think I do now.
I'm my own worst critic. My hem's are crooked on my atikluks. My stitches are too big on my mukluks. My colors are off on my painting. My words are not grammatically correct on my writing. My saturation is off on my photographs. My kitchen is a mess. My dog sheds too much...etc. But, I have yet to hear anyone ever say that they do everything right.
Of course we want to be the BEST parents, the BEST friends, the BEST daughter, the BEST worker bee. But you just have to remember that you only have 100% to give. 100% of your time, and your sanity is all you can divide. No one can give 100% to family, 100% to work and 100% to taking care of themselves. So why try?
So, my approach to this busy, hectic, often silly, scary life. Is to just simply shrug. Who cares if you're late to the basketball game? Who cares if your child is late to school because you spent all night working on an obituary? Who cares if your house is a mess and the dishes aren't done every single day? Who cares if your daughters socks are mismatched and her hair isn't perfectly in place?! Who cares if you can't afford that new snow-machine and you really, really want it!?
Mentally and physically shrug when it tries to get the best of you. Shrug it off and smile. After all, life's supposed to be a ride...lets make it a fun one.