I'll be back...

Every day,

We work.

In the sunlight,

Wood split, Ice cracks.

Relaxing to the soul.

Every evening,

We play.

In the moonlight.

Shadows chasing, eyes watching.

The sound startles me

From a dream. I’m signing autographs.

The light glares at me.

GET UP, GET UP.

Constant buzzing around me.

The cable box hums,

The computer stares,

The microwave dings,

I drive to work.

The lights fill my eyes with an ugly bright.

People whiz by, in a hurry.

It’s too bright.

It’s too loud.

It’s too humid.

It’s too fast.

We sit too much.

Soon though.

I’ll be back.

And all will be well again.

That poem I quickly typed this morning, as I was driving Kaisa to school...and after I was abruptly awoke by the ugliest sound around. The alarm clock buzzing. BZZZ BZZZ BZZZT!
I hate that thing.

We went to our camp across the way on Thursday around 1:00 p.m. with a friend and her kids. We packed THREE sled loads, (granted one was a mini jet sled for the kids to play on, but it DID have a generator on it!), two dogs, four kids, two wives and three snowmachines out there.



The house was cold soaked when we arrived. But we leave it cold until someone comes around to warm it up. Dean left us (he Does have a "racing rig!") so he could start the stove and warm it up a bit before we got there. It didn't work too well. We saw our breaths in the house for at least a couple of hours after we arrived.

The ladies took a sauna the first night...just the two of us. Relaxing, to say the least. No kids, no husbands!



We watched the fireworks from camp and the kids were mildly disappointed until we saw a fox running around, and then things got exciting!

The moon was so bright that we didn't need flashlights, headlamps, etc to do anything outside.

Elsa and Zach drove up the next day, and our friends left. Coincidentally, Elsa and Zach drove up, met our friends, switched snowmachines and drove back with the same snowmachine that had left just an hour before!



The boys hunted and us girls played Littlest Pet Shop, and Crazy Eight, Pick Two, Kings Reverse, Four skip! (Or whatever, you want to call a camp card game) We played and played and played. And kept the fire stoked. And kept the camp coffee on!



And then we got tired of all that crap, and we went outside and went hunting ourselves. You see, I was never left home when I was little. I wasn't treated like a girl. I didn't do dishes at camp, or chores. I went hunting. So, heck with it all, I took her hunting. We shot the 17 Mach-2 at some wood stumps and a few Foxes (Ice blocks that she swore were foxes!) on the ice. We came home empty handed, but we had fun.



The 20 minute drive back to town turned into an hour long adventure, as Kaisa wanted to ride in the sled with the dog, and then she wanted to see if she could walk home (and lasted about ten minutes), and then she wanted to drive, etc. So, we toodled around, and eventually got home to a big mess and electricity and flush toilets.



Coming back to Kotzebue was super disappointing. The constant buzz and HURRY UP life here in town is just emotionally taxing. (Actually, it COULD be that Koy and Tim have to go to court today and testify, because the guy who jumped them swears it was all "AN ACCIDENT!" PSH.)



Anyway...we're back again. And can't wait to head back this weekend!

A year in review...

Well, I know I haven't blogged for a while. This week has been super busy for all of us.

Sort of like the entire year.

We started off with so many storms that one could almost see what sort of year it would be. A fast, windy, sometimes awful one. Starting out with being buried in a pile of snow is not the way you want to begin!

Then in late February, we lost Dean's father Max, to Prostate Cancer. A wonderful, awesome man of patience and wisdom. We have missed him dearly throughout the year.

My son was finally seen by a pediatric neurologist for his many, many headaches. After being repeatedly hospitalized here in Kotzebue and given the run around, eight months later, we were there. A simple fix of new glasses and NO medication, except at the onset of a migraine, and he has been GREAT since then. Aside from the one hospitalization while we were on vacation with family.

Of course, there was the super serious allergic reaction that I dealt with, (am still dealing with) throughout October, November and half of December.

And, why not get out of the year with a big bang, with the physical assault on my son and his friends by a man in this community. (Who is STILL at home relaxing, as a matter of fact all this week, he was over at the school refereeing basketball and my child wanted to watch the games. He paid his money, saw the guy, turned around, walked back out, asked for his money back, they said no, and he called me from outside to pick him up.) Which, obviously, is still affecting us. (ME!)

But, of course, we also had a wonderful and very educational time this year. I learned that 13 and 14 year old boys have more emotion and love in them, than they show. I learned how strong my daughter is and how grand her heart is for other people suffering. I learned how losing a parent can affect you long afterward. I learned that persistence in anything might not work. Sometimes, you just have to accept that. I learned to look at my children, my husband and a lot of other people differently. Mostly in a good way, and some in a disappointing way. I learned that it was OK to say NO. And OK to ask for help.

I relearned my love for baking, cooking, painting, sewing and laughing from the heart. I learned to look at people for who they really are. Not the persona they put up in life, to others. I've always been the spokesperson for "Actions Speak Louder than Words" and this year is no different.

Through the emotionally taxing times, and the light as cloud times, and the grinding-meat with rocks times, I learned, mostly...to put my family and myself first. And, if that's all I learned, then I'm OK with that.

Right now, I'm wearing long johns, wool socks, bunny boots, and a Raven's Brew, three peckered billy goat t-shirt, waiting for the sun to come up, so I can dress my family, make a store run and head off to our camp at Sisualik for New Year's.

While I'm relaxing by the crackling fire, and hauling water, and drinking camp coffee, and reading old books and playing board games with my kids and drinking sparkling cider by the blue moon, I'll be thinking of you. Thank you for the words of encouragement. The reiteration of my stories and following along, in this crazy roller coaster of Arctic Life.

I hope you and your family have a safe and wonderful NEW YEAR!

Merry Cookie-mas!

It's tradition. I'm exhausted. I stayed up much too late baking cut-out cookies for my mom's cookie trays.



But its tradition. Who am I to break tradition?!



Each year my mom, my sisters and I bake thousands of cookies. Yes, I said THOUSANDS. I think my count this year, not including the ones I did for the Park Service was around 250. That included gingerbread men, and sugar cookies.



I think mine were the hardest! But that may be because I had to work all week and decided to procrastinate and bake them on Christmas Eve.



But, again, I'm not about to break tradition! So, I got them done and brought them over in the morning.



Our kids slept at my mom's house, their stockings were hung on the wall with care in hopes that Santa momma soon would be there. Santa visited them bringing Koy a pair of snowshoes and Kaisa a Pop Star Karaoke microphone. Our stockings held head lamps, fishing lures, chocolate and hair clips. Everything kids want and need!



The usual breakfast was kicked up a notch with Saima's TUNDRA CHICKS fresh organic eggs, brought right in from the coop outside my mom and dad's house. I'd highly suggest organic eggs over anything bought in a store! They are SOOO GOOD! And, yes, chickens DO lay in the dead of winter above the Arctic Circle! My mom made sourdough hotcakes and we ate sausage and bacon with that.



THEN it was COOKIE TIME. The THOUSANDS of cookies were brought in from the Kunnychuck (entry where they were frozen in totes) and thawed on the table. We made our "list" of people who get trays and started with our family, making our way down the streets of Kotzebue. I believe we ended up with about forty five trays, give or take a few.


See...THOUSANDS!



We had...Gingerbread men that Kaisa decorated, Dean's favorite - Russian Tea Cakes and Lucky Pennies, and Hand Dipped Ginger Crinkles.





There were chocolate chip and M&M cookies, colorful spritz and Elsa's Ultimate Angel Cookies. Peanut Butter Cookies and Egg Nog Cookies, Brownies, and Frosted Sugar Cookies. (UGH!)





There was fudge and oatmeal raisin, fruitcake and oatmeal no-raisin (my sisters hate raisins). And spritz cookies...and spritz cookies and spritz cookies.



And the gift of family was all around us. We laughed, and argued (Hey, my parents had THREE strong willed, hard headed GIRLS) and made tray after tray after tray!



Besides a Finnish Shadow Fox pelt (that I had been EYEING FOREVER), my FAVORITE gift was what I'd been thinking about for a while...a KINDLE. Oh yes, my husband LOVES ME!



So...Merry Christmas to you and yours from above the Arctic Circle. We're all cookied out!

From A-holes to A-wipe...

Sorry, I couldn't help myself. I didn't mean to curse.



Last night I had made a pact with myself that I wouldn't do ANYTHING. I was going to sit and watch, "All about Steve" with my family and eat Reindeer Chow.

Well, that didn't exactly happen.

After the storm, our weather was beautiful. Almost 20 degrees above with a 30 MPH wind. We don't care about the wind when its twenty above! Today is even more beautiful with NO wind (so far).



Once I got home, I had to wrap a few gifts before anyone else got home (I wrapped them in envelopes!) and get them under the tree. My cousin called and wanted me to take photo's of her family and my husband called and reminded me that I needed to get the tables we borrowed back to the Senior Center. And THEN, I remembered that we had to input the Tupperware order because the consultant had come in after the storm.


Sneak preview!

So, really, my day began at five pm and didn't end until ten when I got home and said, "LETS WATCH A MOVIE!"



But, throughout this hectic night, I did find this simple sweet, hilarious, message from Kaisa on toilet paper. "Merry Christmas to ALL and to ALL A good nihgt!"

Oh, and one that said, "HELP Christmas plese!" I'll have to ask her about that!

Never a dull moment round here.

"Accidents"

*Disclaimer: This is my own personal opinion...only what I heard from my child. Only what I heard from his friends during the interviews and my feelings because of that. Read at your own risk...

I've written about my son before. His utter maturity scares me. He doesn't lie, or steal or cheat. He giggles when someone cusses. He is yet to find any girls cute, or attractive. He still thinks of them as friends. He likes to hunt, read and play King of the Hill and Free for All.



He's thirteen.

He (aside from some of MY OWN problems) is perfect. When I tell him, "Clean the kitchen and shovel the stairs, you can play out afterwards," he does. But not only does he empty and fill the dishwasher, and wash the other dishes by hand, he cleans the counter off, scrubs the sinks and sweeps the floor, takes out the trash and wipes the cupboards. When I "clean the kitchen" I empty the dishwasher and dishes would be lucky if I rinsed them. As a matter of fact, I doubt Dean or I have washed dishes in months.



He does his own laundry and folds his own clothes. He washes behind his ears and brushes his teeth every day. He talks back, but only to the extent that his sister gets away with...nothing more.

He goes to church regularly and attends every single churches (we have 11 churches here) Youth nights he can. He hunts for is family, for his aana, and our elder friends. He watches with a keen eye and listens with a keen ear. He is brilliant and has skipped one grade so far. If we wanted, we could skip him again, but that would put him at age fifteen graduating high school.


Koy and Tim wrestling against each other...

He loves to play any sports around. He doesn't care if he's any good, he simply enjoys it. He plays basketball, wrestles, runs cross country, skis any chance he can get, loves to play football in the snow, and would do more if more was available in Kotzebue. Its not, so he and his friends make stuff up.

When he sees a kid being bullied, he runs to their aide. The Girls in his class tell me that he is very popular, but doesn't talk much. He giggles a lot and is quiet. They probably like him because he doesn't pay any attention to them!

He is a GOOD KID.

And his friends are the same way. The boys he hangs out with are good kids. They are all the same. Hunters, Friends, Teachers, Pupils, Caretakers, etc.



So, I find it hard to believe that anyone could "accidentally" hide under a set of stairs waiting, planning an attack on young kids. How could he accidentally wait for three 13 year olds who were coming from a Christian man's home after looking at his traps, and ACCIDENTALLY jump out and tackle those boys, while cussing them out, calling them names and making them feel like they were going to die forcing those boys to hide.

While ONE boy was hurt so severely, all he could do was scream for help.

I find it hard to believe that someone could ACCIDENTALLY hold two 13 year old boys hostage in an entry way, while ACCIDENTALLY yelling "I'll take you out, I'll teach you how not to steal from me."

I find it hard to believe that someone could ACCIDENTALLY break two bones in one leg, bruise up a boy and ACCIDENTALLY yell at him that he was NOT HURT and that he needed to "GET UP NOW you big baby."

I find it hard to believe that someone could ACCIDENTALLY scare young NATIVE boys into thinking that they were going to die because someone ACCIDENTALLY said that he would "teach them a lesson they would never forget."

And I find it very disturbing that the person who ACCIDENTALLY did all of this is sitting at home, accidentally spending Christmas with his family, while One boy is being MEDEVACED to Anchorage three days before Christmas, and that that boys ENTIRE family now is going to Anchorage to spend Christmas with him because he has to have surgery on that leg. And by the way, that boy's family is a family of SEVEN.

And I find it very disturbing (AND YES I AM GOING TO SAY IT) that the attack was by a white male on three young native boys. Someone please explain this ACCIDENT to me, because my brain must be fried if I JUST CAN'T SEE IT.

But, I also find it very heartwarming that the three boys have been closer than ever. They love each other, and fought for each other, while being ACCIDENTALLY beat up. They cried with each other and they laughed together at the hospital. They opened presents together and they talked about hunting when his leg is better.

They were worried about the family of the attacker and how they would feel. They prayed for him, and prayed for their mothers (because we needed the prayer the most I think...) and they watched cartoons together. They told their mom's that they were OK, not to worry.

They are exactly what Christmas embodies. They have huge spirits, and they have even bigger hearts.



They are my hero's and I feel so awful not being more like them.

Thank you.

Thank you Mom.

Thank you for teaching me to sew.



Thank you for making me play sports.



Thank you for teaching me to bake.



Thank you for teaching me to be responsible.



Thank you for having my two sisters.



Thank you for teaching me to take care of our meat.



Thank you for staying in Kotzebue while I was growing up.



Thank you for not listening to me when I complained.



Thank you for being so patient.



Thank you for working SO HARD.



Thank you for being so silly.



Thank you for marrying my dad.



Thank you for being awesome.

And... Happy Birthday to you too. I love you!

Spirit!

Have I told you all that I LOVE Christmastime?!


I told you she was tall...

Aside from decorating thousands of cookies (which my mother so gently reminded me last night that I still have to make HER sugar cookies before Christmas...which means I'll be baking probably another 500 or so this weekend) for everyone else but yourself and the cold-to-the-bone temperatures up north, I just really like the whole FEELING of Christmas, you know?!

I bet once in my life, I felt sorry for myself and didn't like Christmas, with all its shoppertunistic glory, but those days are long gone and NOW, I love it. And right now is all that matters right?


Koy snapped up some photos of me sewing last night...

It just SEEMS brighter. It seems nicer and people seem happier. Maybe its just me and my glass-half-full approach for now, but I like it this way.

Maybe its cause I learned that not everything has to be perfect, and not everyone has to have a handstitched hat for Christmas (well, except for MY family), and not every cookie has to be "Martha Stewart" material. Maybe its cause I remember being young and having next to nothing, except a lot of fun. Physically, we had nothing...I have many a photo of myself "playing" with my cool paper bag. (to the paper bag's defense, you can build a LOT of things with one!) But spiritually, we had everything. I had my sister, both my parents, usually, and an entire town full of relatives who just adored me. I could go run to my cousin's house and play without my parents worrying about me, and I could walk to the AC for some 5 cent bubblegum.


Clara really wanted me to share a photo of her hair all done up!

Maybe its because I'm done with the park service cookies and could just PLAY with my kids. I know that while I was baking the girls cookies last night, it was FUN. They patiently waited with their curlers in their hair for them to cool so they could douse each sugar cookie with the "good frosting." (We have GOOD frosting and PRETTY frosting, I like the GOOD frosting!) Watching the excitement and concentration on them was awesome. And, even though I could be biased, they are GREAT decorators! Like mother, like daughter!


I see many-a-cookie coming from my daughter in her life!

Maybe its because I'm alive. As you know, I faced a serious disease a while back. Today, I am still recovering, and am doing quite well, sewing, baking, etc. But still face some hardships. I still can't walk or ski or run more than about fifteen minutes and I'm frequently up until two or three in the morning, because of the drugs I'm taking. I still have Flare Ups of blisters on my hands and foot, and they don't really know when, or if they'll stop. Today, I am taking my last steroid pills, and going to get an injection of a long lasting steroid to hopefully remove them. I'll follow up again in a week. Going through something like that makes one really evaluate what they're doing in life. I like to ask myself the question now..."Is this going to make a difference ten years from now?"


...and about an hour after I started sewing, this is what I came up with, its for my nephew Coltrane when he comes TOMORROW! CAN'T WAIT! Its a good thing he's only 6 and doesn't read this blog, otherwise he'd know what Auntie Maija made him!

I don't know...is it?

All I know for sure is that I love my life. I love my husband, I love my children, I love my family. I'm happy to be alive and hopefully I can make a difference in someones life!


Koy, Kaisa and Clara

Merry Christmas!